SMART TOILET? GOD, NO.
Hello. I am all for gadgets – everyone knows I am crazy about getting the latest of everything. I never thought I might draw the line somewhere but HERE I draw the line. Smart Toilets? No, sir.
Suddenly google knows when I take a dump and the quality of it? So that I have an ad for Imodium that pops up every website I go to? Please, no. Then I get “smart books” on kindle that read me the book I am currently reading as soon as I sit down? Or YET ANOTHER WEB SERVICE offers me “Loovies” short entertaining clips customised to the average time I spend on the loo?
Imagine the next time you tinkle you get an email, “uh oh! You have a another UTI coming…” or worse an ad for fungal infections meds before every Youtube song you play!
But wait, we are in Africa. Think of the practicalities of this loo. Think of your poor villagemate who arrives from the village in a pressed state, drops her load of potatoes and bananas at your feet and urgently goes to this smart toilet before you have a chance to explain.
She probably wont notice that the lid lifted by itself as she approached. She might only be mildly concerned at the toilet seat suddenly heating up as soon she seats on it and goes “aaaahhh….” with relief as the first of her burdens are put down (you know the feeling!).
But I am sure she will positively DIE when the smart loo syncs with her phone, learns her details and trends and within 10 seconds of that “aaaaahhh”, says “Welcome Jerusha. Shall we play some of your favorite songs today? Sit back and relax…”
Even if she survives that initial shock the idea of the toilet spraying her nether regions with “aerated water” (not sure how different that is from normal water) and a burst of air might send her hurriedly out of the loo with her knickers literally in a twist.
Smart loo? Let’s not. Okay?